Somehow we all went from 7 digits away to a million miles apart. The world is lonely and I can't see the sky anymore. Its cold here, where hands no longer reach for mine and all I can taste is my own blood on my lips. Stars cry for me as I wander lost beneath them, along the broken cobblestone that was painted gold. Stillness, no friendly wind to carry voices or even the haunting sound of my own voice. Silence without, chaos within, every choice worn out with the dissection. How are we so far, when we were once so very close? How did I get here, with my back turned on those I loved most? The world mocks, with laughter and unfamiliar faces. That which I knew, I cannot find. Something that was once so beautiful, now only tastes of dust. I thought I was doing what was best, what I must. I cut the life line, and now I dangle helpless as you climb on and I’ve no one to blame but me. You'll never turn back, the scars alone will not let you and I am too proud to call your name out. So I'll linger in the shadows of the broken tower we once called home, and wish that it hadn't come to this. Having you on the other side of those seven digits wasn't something I thought I would ever miss.
Footsteps like drumbeats, blending back and forth with the
drum in my chest. It was blood, rushing though, pushing past my ears,
surrendering the world’s noises and bringing my internal into focus. The cold
rush of air to the lungs, like each breath was my first breath ever, painful
and beautiful all at once. There was no future, there was no past, there was
only this moment, this breath, this heartbeat. The world outside that moment
was nothing and would never be anything. I was a blur among the trees, the life
of that moment. Egocentric and conceited, I knew that I was the only thing that
existed in that moment, I was the only woman in the universe, I was the
universe. With blood pulsing through my veins as air expanded in my lungs, feet
slamming into the concrete and throwing me forward through a time and place
that nullified all other existence. There was joy there, a lightness of soul
that I knew only I achieved. This was heaven, and I was its only resident. But
muscles began to speak of life, of pain, of the impact of each footfall and
heaven faded slowly, the light being replaced by the grey fog. Slowing down to
a light jog, I was damp with sweat and my lungs rejoiced in lighter breaths. My
body was used to this pushing, but that did not mean it did not protest. My
ears still pounded, but slowly, the sounds that my inner drum blocked out
returned. The sounds of the park surfaced, interjected with the sounds of a car
leaving some sleepy side street to begin it’s morning commute to the city. The
grey morning fog was slowly being dispersed by the rising sun, and I knew it
was time to head in the direction of my own sleepy dwelling. Crunching through
dew crisped grass, I jogged to the street. I was still in warm down and it I just
stopped to walk my poor body would whine all day. Jogging across the street, I took
up the sidewalk, slowing my pace. By the time I reached the next crosswalk I was
walking at a pace much more appreciated by my legs. Turning on to the
cul-de-sac in which my duplex rested, it took in the quiet dawn. Houses were
either in the state of waking up or still deeply in sleep. This was when I
loved where I lived the most, yes the commute to anything was hellacious, but
in the morning, it was like still being in a small town, without the rush of
the city to throw you out of bed. You could ease awake, become aware of the world
and its beauty and then venture into the wilds of the city. My dust blue house
came into view and I walked up the sidewalk, still enjoying the morning.
The more that we take The paler we get I can't remember what it is We try to forget The tile on the floor So cold it can sting In your eyes is a place Worth remembering For you to go and take this And smash it apart I've gone all this fucking way To wind up back at, back at the start...
HEY! The closer we think we are Well, it only got us so far Now you got anything left to show? No, no, I didn't think so... HEY! The sooner we realize We cover ourselves with lies But underneath we're not so tough And love is not enough
Well, it hides in the dark, Like a withering vein, We didn't give it a mouth So it cannot complain We never really had a chance We never really make it through And now to think I believed I believed I could get better with you
HEY! The closer we think we are Well, it never got us so far Now you got anything left to show? No, no, no, no, I didn't think so... HEY! The sooner we realize We cover ourselves with lies But underneath we're not so tough Oh, and love is not enough Love is not enough, hey...
If you could only see that you aren't as broken as you seem, that those cracked lines aren't defect but pieces of your beauty. You are everything that you should be, but the silence still haunts you at night. I would love to be the one, by you side, scaring away the dreams that you don't want to fight. Just to make you smile, because that is when your gold shines. Just a ghost, you'd say, pretending to be a happy memory, but you memories will stay with me, and I will hold them to my heart. I am just as broken as you, just as dead. The only difference is, you make that death so beautiful, and everyone loves your tragedy, and me, they never even noticed I was gone. But you did, you took my cold hand and lead me to the sky, because that is the only thing that to us, never seems to die. In the hours before twilight, that is the time when we can be alive, and you is the brightest thing any could find. Those cracked lines that run down your face; they are just trails for the laughter to chase.
In moonlit nights, where wine and fire run freely, is when we can finally be seen. And then the sun rises, and to your quiet grave you must rest, but, I get to live in this purgatory, because you see, they never even noticed, that what they think is me,
Look around your bedroom, kitchen, living room, or bathroom. Make a list of objects that seem to have moods or personalities. Choose five of them and create a description of each one's personality or mood. Pick one of your descriptions and build a poem around it.
Well, it's been a week or so, and I finally decided to write in this book again. Things are getting a bit, dramatic around her, but such is my life, if there wasn't drama, I'm not too sure the world would still spin. So I decided to spend my Friday night lying in my room, blaring some Zen music to calm my nerves and writing in a book that no one knows exist… exciting, I know. And in all honestly, I don't really plan to be in this book all night, I plan on taking a long bath, perhaps open the windows and let the half moon in. It's really rare for me to even be awake on a Friday night, I usually keep the hours of the cock, rise with the sun, and set with it. But everything is just, too loud for me to sleep, my head is too loud. I would wander out of doors, bask in the moonlight, but that would mean dealing with the fiasco in my living room. Nani has come to my house, and Nani, my grandmother, always comes on the front end of a foul wind. And sure enough, as soon as Nani reared her wandering Jew face in my house, it was followed shortly by a whole menagerie of family members. My parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, all flocked to my little 2 bedroom split level house, invading my silence and peace with their noise. I would kick them out, but its not worth the fight. I will let Nani handle whatever she needs to handle and then I will change my locks… again. Well, time for that bath, the yelling is overcoming the zen cd.
deepshadows2 May 19th 1987 (Age 30) Female Orlando This is the writing journal of Deep Shadows AKA Trysta R.
It is going to be a journey, a movement, some place to run free, to howl at the moon and then sit down and write about it. I want to inspire, to cultivate the same feelings within me in someone else, I want to achieve empathy at its deepest levels and I want to birth words that live and breath, cry and bleed, that touch your very soul and leave you longing for its embrace once more.
Welcome to this journey, make sure you pack enough paper.
As a side note, unless otherwise stated, I claim no copyright to any images on my blog, and most of the photos will be up simply as a point of inspiration. If you come across this blog and see your image and would like it removed, simply contact me. Thanks.